My Immortal with commentary of Death
by GhostPhoenix
Summary: I've read the infamous My Immortal five or six times, and it's my turn to do commentary! Rated T for language and crappy sex scenes. Sorry for the immaturity!
1. Pointless Description

I decided to do my own commentary on the infamous My Immortal! Yay! My friends might join in at some later point, in which case there will be an author's note at the beginning.

Chapter **Pointless Description**: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)** Was that supposed to be funny? **2 my gf (ew not in that way) **Band child senses! Tingling! Must… Make… Sexual… JOKE! **raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **Wait… You got HELP and it's still this bad? **u rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **Oh, dear God. I am so sorry Justin.** MCR ROX! **They probably did before you dragged their name into all of this. **my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Am I supposed to remember all of that?** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **Yeah. Cause babies always have full heads of hair when they're born.** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid **Seriously?** tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **Don't drag her into this! She's talented!** (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!**Rude!**). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Umm… Incest?** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **As opposed to…?** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **Scotland** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen **No crap**). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell **Noooo! I never would've guessed!**) and I wear mostly black. **Isn't that what Goths do?** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **I did too. Then I read this. **For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **You will find that you can skip clothing descriptions… **I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and rainingso there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. ***Gasp?* You rebel! **"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was… **The devil, come to drag you to hell where you belong? **Draco Malfoy! **Damn. **"What's up Draco?" I asked."Nothing." he said shyly. **Draco? Shy? The apocalypse is nigh! **But then, **A giant fissure opened up beneath my feet. I fell and died a painful death.** I **was never seen or heard from again** heard my friends **You have friends?** call me and I had to go away. **Was any of that dialouge necessary?** : IS it good? **No, Dear. Not in the slightest. **PLZ tell me fangz!


	2. Pointless Dialouge

Chapter **Pointless Description Numero Dos**: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **You still need more.** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **No. Not OK.** next day I woke up in my bedroom.It was snowing and raining again. **Is that even possible?** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **Because they sell that at your local super market.** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, **I don't even have ONE!** and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!**Thanks for letting us know. I'll be sure to bash her character as much as possible for all this "help" she's given you.**) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **Wait? Did she use magic to see through her eye lids? **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **I skipped that too.** "OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly."Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **A vampire? Blushing?** "Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **Since when were the Slytherin common room and Great Hall next to each other? *Pulls out hardhat* It's time for, Castle Renovation: Magic Edition! **"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **Geez! Just a question! **"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me."Hi." he said."Hi." I replied flirtily. **Is that even a word? **"Guess what." he said."What?" I asked."Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." **Muggles? In Hogsmeade?** he told me."Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **Okay. I'll be sure not to listen to either. **"Well… do you want to go with me?" he asked. I gasped. **Le gasp! Cliff hanger! How will we survive? *Snort* Yeah right.**


	3. The Concert

Chapter 3. **That's three too many.**

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **Only because they wanted to see how bad this is gonna get. **FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. **Please let her trip on them and die!** Underneath them were ripped red fishnets.Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms.** Yeah. Skipped that as well. **I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, **Why? Nothing is happening now and you're going to a fucking concert! How are you depressed?** so I slit one of my wrists. **Ah. The emo card.** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC.** Yeah, don't go to the nurse or anything. NO, REALLY, DON'T!** I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner.Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **Didn't stop you yesterday... **I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.** Umm… Let's see… How do you do that again?**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert.** I dunno where that could be? It's not like you mentioned it last chapter or anything!** On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **That explains SO MUCH! **When we got there, we both hopped out of the car** and plummeted to your iminent dooms**. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **That's not moshing! It's just being an idiot! Please, God! Let her get thrown to the ground and savagely beaten!**

"You come in cold, you're covered in bloodThey're all so happy you've arrivedThe doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your momShe sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **Deffinately not YOUR voice, Ebony.**

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **Because he realized Ebony was a Mary Sue and that she killed cannon?**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **Genius!**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective **Riiiiight…**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **I didn't know faces could be blond? Huh.**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **That's nice. First smoking and drugs. Now drinking. What's next?** and asked Benji **The dog?** and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. **Did the camera break? **We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled **to escape all the angry fans for killing Harry Potter and cannon?** back into the Mercedes-Benz,but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… **Hell? Where you both waited for your deaths? **the Forbidden Forest! **SHIT.**


	4. Do I REALLY Have To Read This?

Chapter 4. **Do I REALLY have to read this?**

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **Oh. Ok. But I thought it was Ebony? **nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrentdey nu eechodder b4 ok!** Before three chapters ago?**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666** Lots of x's with a random 666 in the middle! Wheee! **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"** "Trying to kill her, before cannon is ruined!**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **I suddenly fell and snapped my neck as I hit the ground. The end.**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked. **No. It's Enoby.**

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow** Those mean the same thing **and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **Yeah. Because when you look into the eyes of a man with that much depressing sorrow, you can't help but forgive him! 3**

And then… **It was revealed Draco was an assasin, sent to kill Enoby before the rest of the world was forced to read the adventures of Enoby: Mary Sue** suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **That made zero sense. **Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. **She not gonna…** I even took of my bra. **Dear God, no…** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.** No! She did!**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. **Can someone gouge my eyes out, so I don't have to read this anymore?** We started to kiss everywhere **Huh?** and my pale body became all warm. And then,

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **HOLY SHIT! Aw well. At least someone stopped this monstrosity.**

It was… **All this suspense is killing me!** Dumbledore!** That couldn't have been any more outta character!**


	5. Didn't You Just Get In Trouble?

Chapter 5. **Didn't You Just Get In Trouble?**

AN: STOP flaming! if u flamit menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **Yes. Because when I get headaches I have a tendency to scream and uncharacteristically call people "motherfuckers."** ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.** As some people shout calmly.**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.** Every insult I see, I'm gonna use against this Mary Sue.**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **You should get that checked out.** Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **Because some people just have a tendency to yell calmly.**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?** Copying!**" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **It's never gonna work.**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **What?**__**It worked? Hey. I should so use that every time I get in trouble.**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony ***Enoby**?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. **Why're you lying?** I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **Blah blah blah. **When I came out… **I got shot by an uzi and died a horrible death.**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing **Cause I sing in the bathroom doorway to the person I "love" all the time. It's just that romantic.** 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. **Dude. I'd be brushing my teeth and bathing in toxic chemicals, just HOPING I can get her germs off of me! *Shivers* **After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.


	6. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!

Chapter 6. **WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?**

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!** Spell-check just exploded.**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Here comes more clothes descriptions. **I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **Whoa, you spray painted it? Have you not heard of dye? Better yet, what about magic?**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal **Because ALL the vampires eat that. **with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood** As opposed to what, may I ask?** Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **Good. Maybe now you can change into something a little less slutty.**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **It can't be…** He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. **No…** He didn't have glasses anymoreand now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **Oh crap…** He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. **I think it is… **He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **I didn't think of it that of it that way until you said it.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter** Oh, dear God! She destroyed you too!**, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **He's shy, he grumbles, then he giggles within a minute of each other? Bipolar much?**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.** HOLY SHIT!**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **That entire diaglouge was just rendered pointless.**


	7. Again?

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **Again?**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **If you gave her a good review, you can proceed to punch yourself in the face. **n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony **It's Ebony dumbass! She's your character, so spell the name right! **isn't a Marie Sue **Yes! She is!** ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

XXXXXXXXXXXXX **That's a lot of X's.**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u? **With "pretty" nails, yes.**). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes.** 'Dark misery' and 'depressed eyes' are kind of the same thing, aren't they?** I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively** Seriously. HOW? **and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **that sounds extremely uncomfortable **and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?** No comment.**)

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **Aha! The Dark Mark! A little plot! Thank god! **It was a black heart with an arrow through it. **You suck. **On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!** One word, darling. **

I was so angry. **You ludicrous fool!**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **And now you have them and die. The end, thank God.**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. **I didn't want that image in my head…** He had a really big you-know-what **No. I don't.** but I was too mad to care.I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **Cause that's exactly where I would go.**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.** I'm going to enter my algebra class like that. Hopefully I'll get kicked out and won't have to do shit.**


	8. Disturbance

AN: stop flassing **The longer you look at that "word," the funnier it gets!** ok! if u do den u r a prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **If I were him, I'd be glad she left!**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith **What's with the apostrophe?** smiled at me understatedly. **Her smile was understated? **She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **Why? I don't see a point.** Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch **That would be her mom… and she's a mudblood!** but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **I would be too.** She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. **So now all Slytherins are Satanists?**)

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **And another!** Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped. **Honey, they don't care.**

**Random POV shift**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

**Another random POV shift**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco **Virility is manliness. So Draco turned Enoby into a woman? And she said "lost it to" which means he took it, so HE was a woman?** and then I started to bust into tears. **We've been over this! Your boobs can't cry, ya slut!**


	9. Shakespeare in My Immortal

Finally! Jess has joined me in my quest to kill My Immortal worse than it's already killed itself! Yay!

Chapter 9. **Shakespeare In My Immortal**

AN: stop flaming ok! **No. **_**That's straight forward.**_I dntn red all the boox! **That's an interesting way to spell "books." **dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! Besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! And da reson snap **Crackle and Pop **dosent lik harry **I hope he doesn't lick Harry. **now is coz hes Christian and vampire is a Satanist! MCR ROX! _**I agree with her. DEAR GOD, KILL ME!**_

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **That poor tree!**

Then all of a suddenly, _**You make no sense. **_an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose **repetitive much? **(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all blacck but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **Didn't you already tell us who it was?**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice **Again, as some people shout calmly. **but Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" **I choose you! **I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. _**Ok. Visualize this. Now try to stop laughing. **_I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist. **Dude! If you were a sadist you wouldn't feel bad for him! Dumbass! **so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **In Shakespearian! **_**I'll bet this bitch has never read anything by Shakespeare in her life!**_

I thought about vampire and his sexah **Because it's a crap-load better than just sexy! **eyes and his gothic black hair and how he looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **Woow… **_**It took you that long to reason that? You really are a dumbass.**_

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **Creative. **_**Indeed.**_

Voldemort gave me a gun. _**Why is he giving her a gun? She has a frickin' WAND!**_ "No! Please!" I begged. **Why don't you just run? You might get shot, but I think that would benefit the world.**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **I would pay to see that.** "I hath telekinesis." **I want a t-shirt that says that**. he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **I just met Voldemort and he just told me to kill Harry or he would kill you, but nevermind that, how are you?**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit**I'm not entirely sure…**) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **She got expelled? Drinks all around!**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. _**How do you walk and suck face at the same time?**_


	10. Wait, What?

Jess isn't in this chapter. I sowwy peoples. I'll let you

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! **No thanks.** ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **A muggle is someone without magical powers. Not a mortal.**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. **I would be too, dumbass. **I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **That doesn't seem like it would sound good. **The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it. **What have you done to Ron?**) and Hargrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. **As opposed to…?** I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that **You just did a little while ago! AND you wore cross earrings!**) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **That's not a depressing movie.** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobsand tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. **Slut. **You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **Failure.**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **Your boobs cried?**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. **Her voice was concerted?**

"What the fuck do you think?"I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **I thought you already did?**Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **Like a frickin' ninja!**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character? **Only a little.**)

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **How many times can you say cry IN ONE CHAPTER?**

We practiced for one more hour. **You're such a great girlfriend. Your boyfriend runs out crying and you stay to practice with your band.** Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. **How? With a book on his head?** (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **Didn't you just say he can't die like that?**


	11. To Steak, or Not to Steak!

Chapter 10. **To steak, or not to steak!**

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! **I don't care how "sris" these issues are, you can't write or type, you mediocre dunce!** sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **Holy crap. I just read that all with no problems!**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **like the wonderful girl you are** and I ran to my room crying myself. **I just got this hilarious image of mini Ebony's/Evony's rolling down her face!** Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **No he wouldn't! He'd look like a teacher trying to comfort a crying girl! He's gay anyway…**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **Seriously! Get that checked out!** and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes **Your wrists got all over your clothes?** so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **Yeah. Cause when I get depressed I sit in my bathtub and slam a raw, bloody piece o' meat against my chest repeatedly.** I was so fucking depressed! **Well, no shit. **I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. **Blah blah blah. **I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!** Snape was filming your ugly body and "Loopin" was chewing to it?** They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" **IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE LOWER CASE IS FOR PREPS!** I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. **We had to sit through a pointless description of your stupid clothes! YOU'RE DRESSED, YOU LITTLE SLUT! **Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra! **I think she means "Avada Kadavra."**" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **His WOMB?** I took my gun **Don't you have a wand?** and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion **I'm pretty sure that's not a real number.** times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore **Hahaha! Holy shit, that's funny!** ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom **How do you run on a broom?** and said everyone we need to talk** No quotations because they're for preps.**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **Last I checked, Hagrid wasn't little.**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **Like half of the people in this shitty "story" aren't?**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him **What about the blood from when you shot him a "gazillion" times? Better yet, shouldn't he be DEAD? **"There must be other factors." **You are such an idiot!**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **In madly what?**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **Yeah. Cause I know what THAT feels like.**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. **…Umm… What?** I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing **What?** to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

"Because you're goffic**You just spelled it right a couple lines ago!**?" Snap **Crackle and Pop** asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraindit meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!" **Oh dear God. This bitch is the biggest Mary Sue I've ever seen.**


	12. Vampia!

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **No. Cedric would never fall in love with that bitch.**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy **She… has… a… WAND!** but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid **IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE LOWER CASE IS FOR PREPS** but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **I thought he didn't have a scar?** and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Red whites? What?**

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Oh my God! Kill me! I AGREED with her! AHHH!**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"** Haha. Voldemort and Draco are married. I wonder if he kissed the bride.**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v.serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- videomade from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong** You spell EVERYTHING wrong!**) to it he added silently. **Doth they all hath telekenesis?**

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY!

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit **Just shut up.**) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset **well no shit**. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **I hope she dies of blood loss.** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap**,** **Crackle, Pop** and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. **As you normally do at school.** Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **Wait. The HAIR of Magical Creatures?** He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **Poor Hufflepuff…**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. **Wqually said? What?**

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **Oh dear God! The images! THE IMAGES!**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" **There's another one.** shouted Professor McGoggle **Imagine McGonnagle in full scuba attire, with huge goggles covering basically her entire face. I find it rather funny.** who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. **You said you jumped on each other, implying that you wanted to screw him too! **You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **How do you run angrily?**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **I hope this isn't going the way I think it is…**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Shit. It is.**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **You started this chapter with this, you ludicrous fool!**


End file.
